thinking

SO firday I was talking to my friends about how my dad started dating and how it really wasnt talked about it just happened all of a sudden and how i really didnt understand why and I couldnt stand it for a while. and still it bugs me that he is married to someone else like what about mom. what about my feeling about this its not like he is single and its just about him, you have kids shouldnt you get what they are feeling. I was watching a movie call Midway to Heaven and its about a guy who lost his wife and has a daughter she was a teen when her mom died. it was three years and he could really move on and his daughter was dating and pretty much engaged and he couldnt handle and then something changed and he started dating and his wife wanteed him to start dating he was a ghost to him and he wasnt ok with losing what they had together ]
it made me start thinking yes my mom was prob ok with my dad datin and getting married but I dont think she was okay with how he did it. he hide that he was dating at first then he hid that he got engaged tell he was ready to tell us. I would be okay with it but it want talked about I just felt how I felt didnt matter. If something happens like that when i have kids I want it to be talked about with them if they are young they are involved as much as he and her. I feel like if it me or my husband our kids matter their feeling matter.
my dad isnt really the one to just talk about things he never has there are things that it would have been nice to talk more about but ofcourse it wasnt talked about. Hes not the one who I really ever go to and talk to about life. I wish we did have a different relationship but its hard to change it I dont feel like we would ever have our old relationship back when we did talk and he was more then just my dad. who i talk to once a month if that. We mostly me have changed. I just hope that when i get married and have kids that I can change that with my kids that they know and feel like they can talk to me about anything that I can be there for them no matter what. my sisters and brothers I know that no matter what time it is and I need someone to talk to that they are there. I want to have that with my kids that not matter what time that i am there for them. no matter what time it is or what it is about.